On the bright side...

I have spent the first three months of this year trying to get myself out of last year's extended funk by putting one foot in front of the other and setting weekly goals. I've been making space for Jackson and for creativity along with my work/dissertation goals - figuring that would be a sustainable path...

It has been quite a cathartic process helped along by reading about other mothers in academia, and talking to the academic mothers around me. I think it has really validated my struggle and helped with the sense of isolation.

The last couple of weeks I have been thinking a lot about the brighter side of all this, which I suppose is a good sign... maybe I am coming to some sort of peace. These years have been tough in a lot of ways. But at the same time, it has really been an extraordinary time with Jackson.

I have been lucky enough to get by with part time childcare... meaning I have been able to at least do some work while spending half of every day with my son during his infancy and into his super-fun toddler years.

I got to take my son around the world - me and him together during the fieldwork process... it was hard on me with the nursing, the responsibility, the fear and the exhaustion. But at the same time... it was a pretty amazing experience to be there with him. I will always have that time in my memory - me and my buddy out in the villages doing surveys.

And I'll always look back on my dissertation writing years with a giant smile thinking about how I am doing it between readings of curious george books and trips to the park. Ill always remember walking around the department or having my office hours with Jackson in the backpack...

And I haven't been too busy to be the kind of parent I want to be... I've indulged in the fun of knitting for my little boy, cloth diapering him, making his first solid foods at home, breast feeding, Friday fun days at the park and Fairyland, the zoo...

It is tough to be a mom and be a grad student, but it's always going to be hard to be a mom and have some sort of career pursuit. I don't think I made the wrong choice to enter parenthood smack in the middle of grad school. I think I made just the right one, in fact. And I think I have been pretty lucky.

Sorry this is not a very well written post (as if any of my posts are ever well written)... just a string of thoughts I guess.





Here is the sweater finished for baby Helen who will make her appearance any day now... it is called "Little Boy Blue" in pink coventry cashmere. Heaven to knit... heaven in pink fluffy softness.